It is not easy to make that step outside. You just stand at the door and wonder, you start doubting yourself and your decisions. You don't want to make that little step because you don't want to hurt everything that you've known all your life. It is not easy to give up the known and shut the door behind you. I don't have the guts to do it. But staying inside or just holding that door open and being at the doorstep is not the right decision either. Then you hurt all that is waiting for you outside. I am stuck in the middle, I hurt and actually I don't give a shit about me, but there, no matter what, you always end up hurting someone, someone you deeply care about. It tears me apart...
Please forgive me, I mean no harm, I am just a coward.
I don't expect understanding, neither comments on this one, this is for me to feel better (which I don't). And for all that wish to comment, for now I choose the known, please respect that...
*Picture taken from here
3 comments:
I'm just gonna comment on the art, and leave the other things be... I had the luck to see them live, but unfortunately there was no way for me to go through all the 99 drawings and read them. (I had the cheapo ticket that was valid for 3 hours only, the exhibition locations being all across the city.) It seems like he uses some kind of ink, and the technique alone is very impressing. The darker toned pictures, like the one above, look like if they got ink poured all over them, still you can see all the shades, and at the same time all of the drawings are very detailed (okay, some are more, some are less).
In one review I read that Solakov confesses his cooperation with the secret services with the "Top Secret" peace? (Exhibited next door from the fear series) Could that be right?
In his early years he used to have some connection with the Bulgarian Secret Service. He stops any relations with them in 1983 and later on decides to make something like a filecase(?) of his experience back then.
peace = piece, grr... I always fuck that up...
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