#123 play time

I have a new toy. I totally love the veiny part. The ones who know me well know that I am a sucker for bony and veiny. Some may say that the it is not very big, but again, the ones who know me well know that I am not very big either ;). I don't know. I haven't tried it yet. I want to try it, but many circumbstances won't allow it. Most of all... lately I don't feel that good about myself, which leads to me not getting it on with myself the way I know I am capable of, in other words... where is my sex drive? I get attention these days and I will lie if I say that I don't like it. It is selfish, I know, but it kind of works like a selfesteem booster. My problem is that I don't want to react on that attention for very personal reasons, which I will not share with world.
Pft, I think I will start a diet. I know this will make feel good about myself... and I just realized that I contradict myself a little bit... My soul struggles. I want things I can't have, I play happy. Actually I am happy, but I want to be happier. There are ways to be happier. I can't wait to use my toy. I can't wait to fuck someone's brains out, even if they're my brains.
God, I am full of shit.